That'll be everyone after Portishead tickets then...
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If you're still having no luck, here's one genuine Portishead ticket for less than four pounds1. No, don't thank me.
Paul Clarke's blog - I live in A small town, Kent. Wed + dad to 2, I am a full-stack web engineer, + I do js / nodejs, some ruby, python, php ect ect. I like pubs, parkrun, eating, home-automation + other diy jiggery-pokery, history, tree stuff, TV, squirrels, pirates, lego, and TIME TRAVEL.