Disgraceful treatment at Earl Brownes

Earl Brownes are proudly displaying a sign in their window stating 'under new management'. Be warned! After my shop bought pate; my dry lamb chump and chicken served in tinned tomatoes I asked dicreetly to speak to the manager. Whilst expressing my dissappointment in the meal and asking that this be reflected on my bill; the head chef sat sniggering into his pint. I was informed by management that they would not refund anything, and that if I did not pay in full they would call the police. I was also advised to be 'very careful' because there were cameras in the restauarnt! Upon happily offering to call the police myself I was told to 'pay for my drinks, get out and never come back again'. What a welcome addition to the Folkestone restaurant scene.

Sarah :: 2006 :: Comment / reply

Beating off the Red Hot Chili Peppers

Snigger...

Hello, London's own "Belasco" release their limited edition debut single "15 Seconds" on the 1st of December. It's already achieving success in European radio charts, where it's been beating off the likes of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Coldplay, and the Foo Fighters . I am typing this press release out more or less word for word as the CD arrived in an envelope with the address written in pink felt tip, the sure sign of a mentalist. If I don't put this on the front page, someone might turn up here and do me over.



Belasco are touring about now, catch them at:

• London Metro (20th November)


• Liverpool Academy (1st December)


• Stoke Sugarmill (3rd)


• Cheltenham Tow Pigs (5th)


• Peterborough Met Lounge (6th)


• High Wycombe White Horse (7th)

pauly :: 2003 :: Comment / reply

conrad and jason from the trail of dead

leeds met uni - april 2002

After trying and failing to wangle my way backstage, I consoled myself by having a pint in the student union bar - when who should stroll in but conrad and jason from the trail of dead - after one of the most hell-raising gigs i have ever seen! as they walked through the door, i was the first to notice (after a few minutes there were a few sycophants and dilletantes milling round, but they were late, and they deserve nought but derision) and so i bounded up to conrad, asking him: "geez, are you guys like that EVERY night?" he replied: "uh, every other night", and we got talking about stuff like lester bangs ('cos i wanted to interview him, alas, that never came about - but i got their email addresses from them, so what am i waiting for?), and i gave away far too much dignity by constantly praising their performance and hailing them as rock'n'roll's saviours. jason was absoultely hammered and did nought but mumble and snigger, but he signed my ticket and wrote an illegible message as well. conrad, from what i can remember, seemed a really funny and down-to-earth guy, and we appeared to have a lot in common. i really should email him one of these days... a friend asked me afterwards if i would suck conrad keeley's cock, (in his usual vulgarity) and i answered by paraphrasing lester bangs: "i would suck conrad keeley's cock because i would also kiss the feet of those who drafted the magna carta." (bangs was originally talking about lou reed). go figure...

smallpoxchampion :: 2002 :: Comment / reply